The internet never shuts down.

It’s easy to while away a couple of hours online.  Before work, after work, in between housework or looking after kids.

Swivel-chair potatoes

Before the internet came along, most of us woudn’t have identified with being a ‘couch-potato’

Couch potatoes are sluggish, passive consumers of entertainment. We’re not like that!

Online, it’s true that what we do is often not passive. We’re actively doing a lot of different things. We can visit 200 stores or more in a single day, pay our bills, chat with friends, read the news, play multi-player games, watch videos and movies and update our blogs and Facebook pages.

But the truth remains that we’re still just sitting there.

Whether we sit on a computer chair or relax with a laptop on our sofas or beds – it’s all the same. We’re not moving.

Where have you been?

It’s easy to get involved with any number of groups online– friends and family on Facebook, groups within Twitter, blogging communities, business networking websites, discussion forums, social networking applications, niche groups… it goes on.

Keeping up with even a small number of these can be extremely taxing on your time.

We can even end up feeling obliged to update everything and read everyone else’s updates.

People notice if you’re missing from the scene and you might even be left feeling that you’ve let the community down.

The never-ending update

We spend so much time ‘connecting’ online,  sometimes we lose sight of ourselves.

You might have heard people saying that they’re taking a break from the web.

That’s how intense it can be. We can experience internet burn-out.

We don’t normally need to ‘take a break’ from the TV. We use TV to wind down, to relax.

(On the TV, no one is asking you to look at the latest cute LOL cats picture,  join their Facebook page, or sign up for their newsletter or RSS feed. there’s no emails.  And you don’t have to update the TV on your life. It doesn’t care. And sometimes that can be a very good thing.)

But of course, we don’t want to go from being glued to our computer monitors to being glued to the TV screen.

Reconnecting with ourselves

Women have had a huge role in shaping the web and making it into the social playground it is today.

But it’s gone too far if we feel ‘accountable’ to online communities.

Women can get caught in a trap of feeling accountable to everyone and not thinking about themselves often enough.

Women are taught to please– to be everything to everyone.

But of course, we can’t be.

Men take time out. It’s a healthy thing – for mind and body.

When we were children, we wanted to climb trees, swim rivers, sing, dance, run, zoom about like wild things. We found joy in making our bodies move!

For many women, the daily routine of marriage, children and household chores can have us going around in circles most days,  and the emotional weight of being the ’nurturer’ can wear us down.

Anne Maybus at Cherry Magazine wrote a very insightful article on this subject, Whose Body is it Anyway?

Anne talks about how from the time girls start developing– society places different expectations upon them.

Do it today

Move.

Do.

Be.

Find.

Discover.

Jump.

Run.

Spend more time away from the internet.

Reconnect with the child you were.

Don’t wait…

The child in you is waiting.

Okay, so her life so far has been quite outside of anything most of us have experienced. On 60 Minutes last Sunday, Drew spoke of first trying cocaine at age twelve, being in rehab at age thirteen, and having a family of film crews instead of her own flesh-and-blood family.

Managing a meteoric film career in the midst of such instability would have done most people’s heads in.

Around the web at the moment, media sites have picked up on her stating that she’s ‘still not sober’ (apparently meaning that she still uses substances to ‘balance’ her life.)

But all of that is not what fascinates me.

It’s the fact that there’s something about Drew that still comes across as child-like and down-to-earth – despite all the wild adventures, wealth and fame.

She’s got the girl-next-door look even though she’d come last as an actual contender for a real-life girl-next-door.

Drew Barrymore’s engaging uneven smile

When Drew starts talking, one side of her mouth her mouth rises into a kind of lopsided smile, and her teeth look natural (at least, her teeth don’t have that perfect Hollywood look that can only come with veneers and caps.) There’s her unusual chin, for which she has never sought the services of a cosmetic surgeon to ‘fix’.

The lopsided ‘naturalness’ is very attractive.

You don’t notice the lopsidedness so much in publicity photos. It’s more when she’s talking or being herself.

I’ve been looking at teeth a lot in the week, which probably explains my focus on Ms Barrymore’s teeth in the 60 Minutes story.

A backflip into the world of cosmetic dentistry

My teenage son did a backflip in a pool at a pool party last Saturday night, and snapped off almost half his front tooth. The nerve inside the tooth was slightly exposed, and suddenly we were exposed to a whole new world inside dentistry – root canals and crowns.

We’ve seen whole photograph albums of repaired teeth in the dentist’s office and lots of before-and-after shots of whole sets of teeth with shiny new veneers online. We’ve spent the last three days at the offices of a dentist and endodontist.

Fortunately (touch wood) a specialist said there’s a chance of the nerve staying alive and he may not need to go down the road of a root canal and crown. He’s young and has excellent teeth, so at the moment we’re just waiting and hoping – with the aid of a temporary cap over the missing part.

What makes a great smile?

Online, all those photos of repairs for damaged or decayed teeth were amazing, especially once the veneer (or crown) goes over the top.

But the photos of ‘afters’ when the ‘befores’ looked perfectly fine (even if they weren’t ‘Hollywood perfect’) were disturbing.

If people like the look of perfect teeth and want that for themselves, I don’t have a problem with it. The disturbing part is when the ‘before’ picture is labelled as ‘Good smile’ and the after picture is labelled as ‘Great smile’.

A great smile doesn’t require perfect teeth, perfectly-shaped lips or a perfectly-even mouth.

Just look at Drew Barrymore.

The above image is under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.5 License via Bollywood Sargam

In response to requests from their readers, Brigitte magazine will be using real women (and paying them the same rates as models previously received from the magazine.)

Not everyone is impressed.

Louisa von Minckwitz, who owns the German-based Louisa Models agency, told The Associated Press she believed the ban on models was a marketing gag that would not last for long.

“Women want to see clothes on a beautiful, aesthetically pleasing person,” von Minckwitz said.

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33178280/ns/today-today_fashion_and_beauty

The above quote from Louisa von Minckwitz is disturbing.

Is it only models who can be beautiful or aesthetically pleasing?

This question especially interesting when it is considered that many models are neither beautiful nor aesthetically pleasing in the eyes of all beholders.

Today’s fashion world demands a certain type of woman to model clothing, but she is certainly not the type of woman that all women aspire to look like.

What does the ideal woman look like?

Over the decades, the ‘ideal body shape’ and ‘ideal features’ have greatly changed.

Whereas a petite and well-rounded Marilyn Munroe body with very feminine facial features was once in vogue– tall thin bodies with often very strong facial features now grace the catwalks and fashion pages.

In the 1920s, women’s breasts and waists virtually disappeared– replaced with dropped-waist clothing that accentuated long slim lines and no curves.

What does a real woman even look like?

Is she a size 14? Is she a size 8? Does she have have the classic hourglass figure? Is she small and slender? Is she tall and bony?

Real women are all of these and more.

What feeds the fashion world?

And the question must be asked– do women really desire to see models displaying the clothing they buy?

Do we really need to see the kind of women the media feeds to us as a standard of perfection to motivate us to buy an article of clothing or a fashion magazine?

In part, the answer must be yes, because the fashion world thrives on consumer response.

Even Australian women’s magazines that feature only the real-life stories of ordinary Australians often feature young perfect-looking women on the covers, such as That’s Life and Take 5.

In part though, the answer must also be no, because recent media features on ‘real women’ have gained large support and nods of approval from women.

Brigitte’s editor-in-chief says that the magazine wants to depict women with an identity– real people with real lives.

This is where I think the heart of the matter is.

The identity behind the woman

No matter which way fashion swings– even if Marilyn-Munroe-style or plus-size women of past centuries come back into vogue– if the focus remains on women’s bodies and women’s attractiveness, we’re losing.

Yes we have male models, but they don’t tend to send men into paroxyms of shame over having the ‘wrong body parts’ or exacerbate male eating disorders.

(That’s not to say men don’t have pressures on them to look like action-movie actors, which can have them resorting to steroids and body-building products.)

The intense focus on the ‘perfect female body’ has been with us for a long time.

And the only way out of it is to shift the focus onto real personalities and lives.

Which is where real beauty is found.

It’s likely that people will only know fragmented pieces of you.
Foodie, comedian, registered nurse, enthusiastic debater, armchair political commentator, armchair movie critic, fiercely loyal friend, book lover, amateur photographer, mother, diabetic, bargain shopper or soccer player.

All of those things could be you. But who are you online, really?

You might belong to all kinds of different communities online. And people will often relate to you according to that part of you that is most like themselves. And that part will become most prominent in their minds.

It’s not too different to life– you’ll have different circles of friends and acquaintences, work colleagues, family, neighbours and social groups. All of these circles know different aspects of you.

A person’s perception of you will differ even if they belong to the same circle and even if they have known you all their lives. Every person’s experience of you will be unique.

Reading between the lines

In the online world, people usually can’t see your facial expressions and gestures, they can’t see what you’re wearing and your body language, they can’t hear your tone of voice and don’t know whether you stop to listen in a conversation or whether you forge ahead talking yourself non-stop.

Yet, people will probably make assumptions on all of the above, based on how they perceive you in your blog posts or your discussion forum posts.

So how do you bring YOU online?

That’s a difficult question. The more of you that you bring online, the more chance you have of someone disliking a certain aspect of you. It’s a big world out there, and there are people with greatly different belief systems and experiences to your own.

Accept that you can’t be everything to everyone.

Accept that some people believe that women can’t be comedians or that your political views suck. Really.

If you’re putting something online in a public place, you have to put on big girl pants and accept what comes. (Except of course for bullies or stalkers. These are in a different category altogether.)

Being part of a community means communicating and sharing. And the rewards of friendships, support, new networks, and of yourself growing as a person are invaluable.

You don’t have to tell everyone everything though. And you don’t have to post something the second you hear it– especially if it’s something that make your blood boil. Remember that the moment you put it out there, your words can be copied and can get a lot more mileage than you intended.

If you think your best friend looks like Elvis Presley in her new white jeans (the middle-aged Elvis) — maybe it’s not the best idea you’ve ever had to post a picture of her in Facebook with that caption.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Stick to the schoolyard rules. (Don’t lie, pick fights, cheat or steal. Be a good friend and look out for others. Play nice.)

If you’re trying to project a professional image, conduct yourself professionally. If you get huffy if someone doesn’t agree with you (or worse, call them a stupid skank/witless git etc etc) you’ve just called your professionalism into question.

Who are you online?

You’re evolving. You’re being exposed to massive amounts of information, different views, new friendships, new philosophies. You’re developing new networks and friendships.

Who you are online means different things to different people.

All you can do is to try to project the best of yourself online and be continually open to other people and new ideas. You’ll make the web a better place along the way.